Something I Need to Say About Myself

[Duffie]

To start off, I am indeed being serious. I'm sorry in advance for anyone I may have hurt by this. Please, do not take offense to this, or offend me. Thank you.

Please, do not skip ahead to the bottom of this thread. Everything I'm saying here is the complete and utter truth. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, if I did at all. I'm not saying I did hurt anyone, I am just giving my sincere apologies in case I did.

Before I can tell you this, I want to let you know that I indeed enjoyed my time in Blocktopia. No, I'm not leaving Blocktopia, and no, I'm not going away. I just want to tell you all something that I've been keeping a secret, and sending out as a lie, up until this point. This is very embarrassing for me to bring up, and I know that lying always leads to worse things as you keep attached to it, so I want to end this lie before it gets any worse.

Now, before you start to assume I'm trolling, I'd like to say that I do not troll. I, to be respectfully honest, do not believe trolling is the right thing to do. I do not like trolling, I do not get off by trolling, and I do not like people who troll. And to be even more clear, my definition of a troll is someone who says mean and hurtful things to others, just for their personal benefit. A troll is someone who acts like a bully, or someone who gets bullied. A troll is someone who can pretend to be someone they are not, but do so to seek harm, emotionally, physically, or spiritually, to others. I am not any of these types of people. I am Darien Greene, or as those of you who know me well on these forums, Duffie.

Another thing I would like to note, is that I know this community can be immature. I'm not saying that all of you are, or that immaturity is a bad thing, but I do not want anything that isn't serious to be replied to this thread. I have done this, because I, in all honesty, wanted to. I felt I could be more open, and I felt I could be more than myself. This wasn't for popularity, this wasn't "for the lols." This was because I felt myself to act in this type of manner.

The final thing I would like to note before I say, is that this is, in fact, what I thought was neccessary for me to enjoy myself on the internet. Not as a prank, or sexually-- But because I felt that I could act the way I wanted to act. I'm actually not a girl. Everything I have said to anyone in the past is the truth, besides my gender. Things related to my gender, I have tried to slide past, but may have ended up having to lie about, but I still believe that I have note lied about anything else.

This all started around the time I came back to Classic Zombie Survival, roughly two to three years ago. I used to come here with Ghoul47 around my first time, a random regular of the Zombie Survival Server. I found this server, remembering the times I had before, and started playing again. I was on my friend's account at the time, Amoriea, and only played every so often. I was told about the forums, previously TheOne's, and I joined there, but before I joined, people had mistaken me as a girl. I was about to correct them, but I hesitated, thinking that I could actually act like I wanted to, and not the typical guy. At the time, I was in a community where guys wouldn't act like how I usually act on here, but times have changed. I would even say that, if it weren't for this, I would never have resorted to drawing.

I know most of you may think of this as a wrong thing, and I have to say, I'm very embarrassed to put out this information. I even started posting this on a Word document to get my strength up enough to post it. As you can no doubt see, I finally worked the courage.

I really do not want to leave this community. I spend every day here, enjoying the times I have. Call me perverted. Call me an idiot. Even call me a dumbass. But what I have done is done, and I'm here to clear things up.

I'm really sorry. I know what this can do, or even lead to, but I just wanted to be the person I really am, even if it's not face to face with everyone.

Most likely, I'll come back tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, but I still want to be known as Duffie, the awesome person you may know.

I thank you for giving me your time to read this. I really hope you can forgive me for lying. Let's just continue what we've been doing for years, and enjoy our times on the Blocktopia Forums and Servers.

Edit : To clarify some more, I am not pretending to be anyone else but myself as another gender. I would have come out with this information around the time I had joined the forums and became an Operator for Zombie Survival, but the Yunie incident was happening at that time. I heard during that time that 'she' was banned for pretending to be someone else of the opposite gender, and this scared me a bit. DamerFlinn even thought Yunie may be me, which it indeed was not, which scared me even more. But, I still think DamerFlinn's an awesome guy, and I have no hard feelings toward anyone.

Once again, sorry to anyone who is hurt by this.

Edit Edit : I keep remembering stuff I didn't add, which keeps making me come back to this embarrassing thread. D:

I confess that I have also lied about not having a digital camera and not having a mic. I do, in fact, have both... I think. I know my mic works, even if not too well, on my Turtle Beach. But, I do not know if I do have a digital camera with a USB attached. Obviously, I've had my brother's iPod, but I only wanted to use that for pictures of my drawings.

 

[paceboys]

The fact that you had the courage to do this, is outrageous. Congratz, Duffie ^^

 

[Theodorre]

I absolutely agree with Paceboys. The mere fact that you were able to conjure up the courage to do this blows my mind. Cheers to Duffie! :)

 

[balloon98]

My god this is a shock and I don't think at all that you should be kicked out of blocktopia ( or people will feel my wrath). I am not saying what you did was right or understandable.

But I do understand why you finally came clean. I think we all know we cant live a lie forever it just isn't possible we have to tell someone otherwise guilt just builds up.

I think I speak for everyone when I say we all will probably treat yo as the same funloving, awesome drawing, out of the box thinker person we have grown to love to hang out with and talk to on the servers/forums/and forum games and nothing will change that from before or now or even in the future.

 

[Duffie]

My god this is a shock and I don't think at all that you should be kicked out of blocktopia ( or people will feel my wrath). I am not saying what you did was right or understandable.

But I do understand why you finally came clean. I think we all know we cant live a lie forever it just isn't possible we have to tell someone otherwise guilt just builds up.

To be honest, I quite enjoyed living in this lie. More than the life I was living in real life. No, I'm not saying I would have killed myself, I'm just saying I probably spent more time with you guys than actually enjoying my own.

I'm also hoping that this will change that, because now I have nothing to hide anymore.

Also, thank you for your understanding, guys. I can't believe I forgot how awesome this community was, as I thought about posting this or not. ;-;

 

[balloon98]

To be honest, I quite enjoyed living in this lie. More than the life I was living in real life. No, I'm not saying I would have killed myself, I'm just saying I probably spent more time with you guys than actually enjoying my own.

I'm also hoping that this will change that, because now I have nothing to hide anymore.

Also, thank you for your understanding, guys. I can't believe I forgot how awesome this community was, as I thought about posting this or not. ;-;

I said that?? I meant guilt building up as in you then have to say it out at a bad time but then again I could have been more clear :D

 

[Duffie]

I said that?? I meant guilt building up as in you then have to say it out at a bad time but then again I could have been more clear :D

Nonono, I meant based off of what I said.

To be honest, I quite enjoyed living in this lie. More than the life I was living in real life. No, I'm not saying I would have killed myself, I'm just saying I probably spent more time with you guys than actually enjoying my own.

I'm also hoping that this will change that, because now I have nothing to hide anymore.

Also, thank you for your understanding, guys. I can't believe I forgot how awesome this community was, as I thought about posting this or not. ;-;

I just didn't want to give any misunderstandings.

 

[GearZX]

What a non-shocker :3, but the wits and bravery to do it, I look up to that.

 

[Knight365]

Spoiler

To start off, I am indeed being serious. I'm sorry in advance for anyone I may have hurt by this. Please, do not take offense to this, or offend me. Thank you.

Please, do not skip ahead to the bottom of this thread. Everything I'm saying here is the complete and utter truth. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, if I did at all. I'm not saying I did hurt anyone, I am just giving my sincere apologies in case I did.

Before I can tell you this, I want to let you know that I indeed enjoyed my time in Blocktopia. No, I'm not leaving Blocktopia, and no, I'm not going away. I just want to tell you all something that I've been keeping a secret, and sending out as a lie, up until this point. This is very embarrassing for me to bring up, and I know that lying always leads to worse things as you keep attached to it, so I want to end this lie before it gets any worse.

Now, before you start to assume I'm trolling, I'd like to say that I do not troll. I, to be respectfully honest, do not believe trolling is the right thing to do. I do not like trolling, I do not get off by trolling, and I do not like people who troll. And to be even more clear, my definition of a troll is someone who says mean and hurtful things to others, just for their personal benefit. A troll is someone who acts like a bully, or someone who gets bullied. A troll is someone who can pretend to be someone they are not, but do so to seek harm, emotionally, physically, or spiritually, to others. I am not any of these types of people. I am Darien Greene, or as those of you who know me well on these forums, Duffie.

Another thing I would like to note, is that I know this community can be immature. I'm not saying that all of you are, or that immaturity is a bad thing, but I do not want anything that isn't serious to be replied to this thread. I have done this, because I, in all honesty, wanted to. I felt I could be more open, and I felt I could be more than myself. This wasn't for popularity, this wasn't "for the lols." This was because I felt myself to act in this type of manner.

The final thing I would like to note before I say, is that this is, in fact, what I thought was neccessary for me to enjoy myself on the internet. Not as a prank, or sexually-- But because I felt that I could act the way I wanted to act. I'm actually not a girl. Everything I have said to anyone in the past is the truth, besides my gender. Things related to my gender, I have tried to slide past, but may have ended up having to lie about, but I still believe that I have note lied about anything else.

This all started around the time I came back to Classic Zombie Survival, roughly two to three years ago. I used to come here with Ghoul47 around my first time, a random regular of the Zombie Survival Server. I found this server, remembering the times I had before, and started playing again. I was on my friend's account at the time, Amoriea, and only played every so often. I was told about the forums, previously TheOne's, and I joined there, but before I joined, people had mistaken me as a girl. I was about to correct them, but I hesitated, thinking that I could actually act like I wanted to, and not the typical guy. At the time, I was in a community where guys wouldn't act like how I usually act on here, but times have changed. I would even say that, if it weren't for this, I would never have resorted to drawing.

I know most of you may think of this as a wrong thing, and I have to say, I'm very embarrassed to put out this information. I even started posting this on a Word document to get my strength up enough to post it. As you can no doubt see, I finally worked the courage.

I really do not want to leave this community. I spend every day here, enjoying the times I have. Call me perverted. Call me an idiot. Even call me a dumbass. But what I have done is done, and I'm here to clear things up.

I'm really sorry. I know what this can do, or even lead to, but I just wanted to be the person I really am, even if it's not face to face with everyone.

Most likely, I'll come back tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, but I still want to be known as Duffie, the awesome person you may know.

I thank you for giving me your time to read this. I really hope you can forgive me for lying. Let's just continue what we've been doing for years, and enjoy our times on the Blocktopia Forums and Servers.

Edit : To clarify some more, I am not pretending to be anyone else but myself as another gender. I would have come out with this information around the time I had joined the forums and became an Operator for Zombie Survival, but the Yunie incident was happening at that time. I heard during that time that 'she' was banned for pretending to be someone else of the opposite gender, and this scared me a bit. DamerFlinn even thought Yunie may be me, which it indeed was not, which scared me even more. But, I still think DamerFlinn's an awesome guy, and I have no hard feelings toward anyone.

Once again, sorry to anyone who is hurt by this.

Edit Edit : I keep remembering stuff I didn't add, which keeps making me come back to this embarrassing thread. D:

I confess that I have also lied about not having a digital camera and not having a mic. I do, in fact, have both... I think. I know my mic works, even if not too well, on my Turtle Beach. But, I do not know if I do have a digital camera with a USB attached. Obviously, I've had my brother's iPod, but I only wanted to use that for pictures of my drawings.

Very proud of you that you have found the courage to come out and tell everyone the truth. ^^

 

[Bluejava]

Now you've been on these forums for longer than I have (and definitely more consistently than me), and my entire time here, I sort of looked up to you. Respected you.

And with this post, and the amount of courage it took to even start typing the first sentence, that took a huge amount of courage. This post made me respect you even more.

I always thought (and I think most of the forum-goers will agree with this) of you not as male or female, but as Duffie, one of Blocktopia's best known.

Keep doing what you do Duffie. :D

 

[DKnucklehead]

I must admit, it's going to be quite an adjustment for me trying to visualize a Darien Greene behind your computer now.

It is though, an adjustment that need not hinder our relationship. When I judge someone I don't care so much for their age, gender, etc - as instead I am looking for their quality of character, maturity, and their friendliness towards others. You display these traits in my mind, and it has been a great pleasure in interacting with you in this community. When we had that Roleplay up and rolling, boy, those were some good times. I often found myself daydreaming as to what trouble I could get you guys into next. Though it has fallen apart at the end, I still think that was one of the highlights of my Blocktopia existence, and it's all thanks to you for making that thread come alive. It's funny... now that I think about it, I myself took up the alias of the StoryMaster during our RPing days, and now I find it ironic how similar a situation that was, as I was trying to extend myself into being "more" than I could be while I was DKnucklehead.

While this dilemma with your gender may be viewed by some as detrimental, I'm glad you had the guts to let us know more about you. You're still valued in community, and we'll be here to help you out when you need it

 

[Damer_Flinn]

Yeah, there was a time at first that I thought you were Yunie, but your personality is so vastly different that I wasn't mistaken for long. I understand why you acted as you did. And I understand what kind of weight that can be after a time. But to be truly and 100% honest, I don't care what a person's gender/race/sexuality is. You are my friend and I would prefer to keep it that way. I'm glad that you've gotten close enough to us that you feel comfortable telling us this while knowing that we won't kick you out or mock you for it. It takes true courage to come out from behind a lie such as this. I'm proud to have a friend with such courage.

 

[Deadl0ck]

*puts on his serious cap* Time for me to be an adult here, as well as a community leader.

Let's clarify a few things.

1. You're not the first person to do this. We've had people like this before. And I dare say most of you don't know about some of them. So, no harm, no foul.

2. I can remember 2 such people, one being Yuni, that got banned for it. However, there were other circumstances. In Yunie's case: Claiming a boyfriend who was in the vietnam war, and attentionwhoring with that. In another case, actively trying to seduce members of this community.

3. I never saw you behaving anywhere close to the two cases I mentioned before. In fact, the opposite of it. so you're not at risk there.

Ok, short story long, thank you for coming clean. Don't worry about any effect it might have, cos it won't, unless some serious other events come to light. Which, frankly, I doubt as per point 3. Fun fact, I've been there too, when I was a lot younger, and didn't feel like I belonged in the world. The path we walk from birth to death is one of self discovery. We walk the line, and try to discover more about ourselves. Sometimes we need a different perspective, a different feel, or are just deeply unhappy with who we are. Don't be ashamed of your path of self discovery. If you didn't hurt anyone (on purpose) and don't have malicious intent you're free to do what you want, as far as I am concerned.

Now, there probably will be a few bruised ego's because of this, and people who think this is shocking, unheard of, even that we should ban you because of this.

To those people, I want to say: Stop thinking you're the centre of the universe. You're not the most important thing in the world, everybody is as important as each other, in principle. And if this offends you in any way shape of form, even if it in no way actually effects your personal life, you need to get your cranial storage container out of your self entitled fecal matter egress, and stop being so closed minded. Duffster here holds no blame. If you make an issue out of this without being able to show me proof that Duffie actually did anything to purposefully hurt you, I will come down on you like a ton of rectangular building things. (10 internet for the person who catches the reference I made.)

In short: I know you've not been attention-whoring with lots of lies, I am fairly sure you didn't use this as a dating show, and you seem to be quite sincere in your explanation, and needed it for personal growth.

More power to you. I, like others before me, am happy you have been able to come clean about this. This community would lose a very valuable member should you go. Whilst you might not always have agreed with the things I say or do, know that I tend to pay attention when I see you say something, because I've come to know you as a well articulated and intelligent person who has thought a lot about the world. Your opinions are therefore taken into account.

Lastly, I want to blow some of your minds. You've all heard the saying "There are no girls on the internet." And I bet you think it means that there are no girls on the internet. Wrong. What it means, is that there are no genders on the internet. No big eyes, to give hurt puppy looks, no tits to distract us from the issue at hand... only personalities. And it works the same way for guys. On the internet you can be what you want to be, who you want to be, who you wish you could be. A true journey to find yourself. There are no girls on the internet. It doesn't mean that the girls are men, the guys are men, and the kids are fbi agent. It means that we're all equal. that we are all boiled down to the personalities we display. And that is why I get so incredibly annoyed with lack of intelligence and common sense. Your redeeming features, such as youth, tits, pretty eyes, a cool set of wheels, a massive male reproductive organ, or a giant wad of cash in your bank account means nothing here. Internet is the great equalizer, and for me, it seperates the chaff from the corn, and with this post, even though I already knew it, you've proven yourself to be the cream of the crop, Duffie. Well done. My hat off to you.

 

[Duffie]

Now you've been on these forums for longer than I have (and definitely more consistently than me), and my entire time here, I sort of looked up to you. Respected you.

And with this post, and the amount of courage it took to even start typing the first sentence, that took a huge amount of courage. This post made me respect you even more.

I always thought (and I think most of the forum-goers will agree with this) of you not as male or female, but as Duffie, one of Blocktopia's best known.

Keep doing what you do Duffie. :D

Aww, thank you, Blue.

I wanted to rate you higher than Friendly, and without using the Sarcastic Winner, but there isn't any better rating, so I'll just post saying my thanks.

You, and everyone who has rated and/or posted so far, have been very friendly. I'm glad I posted this thread, more than I was after I actually posted this thread. I was embarrassed at first, but now I'm feeling quite lighthearted after seeing all of the posts and ratings.

And yes, DKnucklehead, that does seem like a similar issue, now that I look at it. xD

I would be more into the roleplay, but I feel I've been losing my creative touch, as well as time to put into it, since then.

But, I digress. Thank you, everyone. x3

And I have to admit, Deadl0ck, I was scared for a bit, when I saw you on the alert for replying. xP

Of course, I shouldn't have worried, as you're still an awesome guy. All of Head Staff is awesome! Thank you for your support, or better yet, your light on the matter. Even after posting this, even if only a couple hours later, I find it silly for thinking I could possibly get laughed at or banned-- Albeit, only once or twice.

I know there will be at least one person out there who will probably hate on me for this, but it's only at least one person, compared to all the awesome people I know from this community-- And onwards.

Thank you, once again. I'm glad to have spent (And still am spending) my time here with Blocktopia. x3

Also, I may post a picture of myself tomorrow... Or maybe Saturday instead. If I'm going to come clean, I might as well show the rest of myself in the process.

 

[trngl3087]

I always assumed you were a boy.

soooo...
k.

very cool of you to admit your dishonesty, though. I know how difficult it is to do that.

 

[Deadl0ck]

Also, I may post a picture of myself tomorrow... Or maybe Saturday instead. If I'm going to come clean, I might as well show the rest of myself in the process.

Good! Tits or gtfo!

(sorry, I so couldn't resist. Especially right after editing my post to add the little rant about "no girls on the internet".) Be cool if you did, be cool if you don't. Don't fret, no need to pile on more stress right now.

 

[cheatyface]

This entirely changes everything I knew about Duffie.

Actually, this only changes one thing that I didn't know about Duffie. The first time I met you on Primorida(!), I didn't care which gender you are, you were a helpful person. The way others may act or have acted is irrelevant, about as irrelevant as your actual gender. You are a glorious human being, helpful and kind. The only advice I can offer going forward is to be who you are, because it's a person worth being.

 

[Pikmon2]

That was very bold of you to admit that. I commend you for that.

 

[Pick Yer Poison]

Part of the draw of the Internet is the anonymity - for anyone who wants to try being someone different, it's an easy way to do so. The ability to pull up stakes and vanish in a flash if things go poorly also makes it tempting to pretend to be someone else, or something else, if that's your thing (meow). I've seen a number of guys pretending to be girls (one of which would probably make some of your heads explode), a (much smaller) number of girls pretending to be guys, and even a few asexuals, transsexuals, and hermaphrodites pretending to be any of the above for any number of reasons. I actually happen to know someone online who refers to themselves as asexual - they refer to themselves as a different gender based on how they're feeling at the time.

Fortunately, "asshole" is a gender-neutral term, which is why pretending to be something you aren't doesn't make you one. It's based solely on your actions, and judging by the response here, I think it's pretty clear you aren't one and never were.

By the way, I know it takes a lot of courage to come clean about something you've been keeping secret for a long time, especially since the temptation to keep quiet about it gets stronger the longer you wait. So props for that - you have my respect.

 

[HarmakAnna]

Eh, I've done th' same before where I posed as a girl, so don't worry 'bout it! Nothing will change about my perspective of ya. Quite brave t' say that.

I never find gender t' be anything important online, or in real life actually. So if one day I find out that half the people in this community are... I dunno... Martian five year old boys, or something crazy like that, I won't care, because it'll still be the same good person behind that screen and my views on them wouldn't change. Sorta like right now with you comin' clean. :D

(I hope you understood part of my nonsense, Duffie. I think my RP and Survivor characters are startin' t' rub off on me.)

 

[Terre936]

I seen many girls pretending to be boys and boys pretending to be girls. I actually know people who are like that in a different community, but I still respect them! I really don't know you that well Duffie, but I see that you are a very good person and how much courage it took you to write about dishonesty.

 

[Wyrer]

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Although I always had a feeling...I'm not sure what it was, something about the way you draw. It's like I could tell it was done by a male (not saying that you aren't talented of course).

Besides that however, I appreciate that you told us (I'm actually kind of intrigued as to what you look/sound like) and I don't value you any less than I would if you were a girl, though I will probably forget that you aren't one from time to time.

You've been here long enough to know that we love having you around, and none of us are perfect anyway I totally understand keeping up the charade for so long. I think everyone else understands too; you have nothing to be afraid of. You're an awesome member of the community and I'll always think that

 

[Nillbugwtw]

Piggybacking on what pretty much everyone else has said, by this point: My opinion of you stays the same and will always stay the same. You're a chill person, a great former operator from Zombie, and a very kind person with whom I really connected to when I was but a Trusted on Zombie.

IN FACT:
To quote you from my Trusted Application, two forums and two years ago:

"Still a great player, even off the forum."

That statement holds true for you as well. Keep on keeping on, Duffie, you have the full support of the community.

 

[ChronosStar524]

Kudos to you for gaining the courage to admit to this. Honestly, it takes so much for an individual to confess the truth, most naturally hide within their veil. Additionally, I don't care about your gender, on the Internet, we develop friendships with people we start to know. Some information may be false, but we as users shouldn't we bothered by trivial information. I now have another person to look up to. I thank you for that.

 

[Awwwyea]

I'm sad now. I'm so bad at guessing genders of people on the internet, and for once I get it right, I am lied to.

So what Duffington? There's one thing that is true about people, and that they WILL do what they HAVE to do in order to be happy or to survive, whether it's something good like going to school, or something bad like doing some drugs to continue an addiction you can't fix.

There's no such thing as being fully truthful to everyone around you as absolute importance. Some will go insane tying to force themselves to do it, while others will simply turn it down for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes you're not mentally comfortable, and other times you might even be beaten and harassed for it.

Think of it as a brick wall and it's builder. There's a curve or a brick missing but he has no mortar to build the brick in, so he puts something up in the meantime until the mortar arrives. In your case, you had a no mortar to put up the bricks about your gender, and how people would react to the way you act, even though you're that gender. So you put up a veil until the mortar, or your self-confidence within the community was realized and you used it accordingly.

Enough with the serious talk, we have zombies on the loose, someone broke the glass in the roof letting in the lava skylight, and we're being attacked by another clan and they're at the front door! Let's go people! Man the TNT blocks, pull the piston-parkour levers, and arm the dispensers and crushing traps!

-Hands Duffie a Sharp III diamond sword and a pair of sunglasses-
Let's do this.