I believe that when I die, I'll be judged based on my rights and my wrongs, and that if I made too many wrongs I'm going to end up in Hell.
Rather blunt, I know, but this is my belief.
Honestly, I'm not really sure what to think about the entire thing. I believe in my religion, a lot, because a few events in my life make it kinda hard not to, but I often wonder about the entire system.
I'm going to be entirely ambiguous with what my religion is. Feel free to make guesses, but don't share them. I trust you guys, a lot, and a few Blocktopians who played Lava Survival might remember me mentioning what it was once, but while I'm not embarassed by what I follow I'm still wary of the rule regarding arguing about religious beliefs that I read on the rule list on Lava Classic.
Sometimes, I can't help but wonder how exactly they'll manage to count my rights and wrongs. I mean, there's the obvious things like bullying for fun and paying for someone's food, but over the years I've been here, and the Internet in general, I realized that the world's morality isn't just black and white; it's black, white, and an entire sea of grey.
I guess I'm divulging a little off the original path; death.
Honestly, I'm scared of it.
I know that I shouldn't be; I was told, when I was younger, that as long as you haven't done any wrongs there is no need to be scared at all. But even so, I'm only human, and while I usually don't think of it, I sometimes wonder what it would be like for your brain to just stop thinking, for your life to 'shut down'. I guess some of it also revolves around the few times I feel more mentally tired than I'd like to admit, and the times I imagine what it would be like to just the knife you're holding into your chest. Honestly, it's frightening, but at the same time, I sometimes just imagine what it would be like to do anything, from swimming to flying to drowning to falling, and that's why it isn't just normal hobbies and dreams I imagine and also think about the morbid actions that could surely mean no return to the life I'm living now.
I'm scared of death, but what scares me more is my curiousity of what it would be like.
I'm being weird. Let's move on.
I guess I should say something about life, too. My religion believes that life is a test that God has given us. I believe this too... But I never really think of it as just that.
I like to think that to each person, their life is one of a kind. That each experience, while they are tests thrown at us, make us unique, make us who we are by how we react and how we think of it. That life doesn't just show whether we are worthy to enter Heaven or not- but that it's also what forms us, what changes us to become who we are, and that is one of the unsaid reasons why God would bring us into existence.
While I still fear death, I realize that no matter what, it is unavoidable. I still have to face judgement and possibly wet my pants in fear as I stand in front of an extremely unchallenged being- or one of his messengers, or one of his angels, or whoever it was that's going to judge my worthiness (I'm pretty sure it was our last prophet that judges us, though it may be misinformation or something), anticipating all the while for my future. (Of course, this is what me and my religion believes, what you believe is what you believe, and I have no plans in the future for a religious debate.)
I'd prefer living my life until I die of old age, honestly. Experience as much as I can while I can. But if I have to die young, I hope it's for a cause I believe in, doing what I think is right. I know I could be severely disappointed- by accident or murder or something- but I really do hope that it's one of those two, as strange as the fact. I'm even talking about how I'd like to die may be.
I believe I've layed down enough of what I think of death. Adios, amigas.
