gay vampire
Little Miss Organs
Oh, where to start, where to start...
For a little over a year now, I've been drawing anime. It's my hobby. I have fun doing it... well, usually.
For a little over a year now, I've been stressing. I want to make everything perfect. If I can't do something really nicely, I get frustrated and practice over and over again until I just give up and break down. For a little over a year now, I've had mini break downs. I want to draw just like those who inspire me. When people tell me my drawings are good, I don't care what they think. It doesn't impact me if someone calls my art good. It does impact me if they call it horrible. Because that's what I think myself after it's done---I think it looks good for a few minutes, but then a few minutes later I think "oh, this looks horrible." One time I looked at a friend's art and just broke down, thinking "Why can't I do that? I'll never be like that! My art will never be like that, I don't have potential. Why can't I do it like that?" Even after I express is to my friends they just point out, "oh, it takes practice" or "oh, you're still new at it, you'll improve" but I NEVER listen. And it affects my other hobbies and things I like to do aswell; staffing, irish dancing, etc. I cry if I can't do a step and all around me people are doing it perfectly at a high speed, though I've been away for 2 weeks. I USED to cry if I made a mistake in staffing, and a little voice in my head would tell me "Oh, you're horrible! Everyone is so much better. They don't deserve a staff member like you."
What hurts me more is, I've actually lived a pretty good life. I haven't had any major illnesses, I haven't broken a bone before, and everyone calls me "lucky" because of it. Everyone calls me "lucky" because my parents are kind enough to buy me some stuff. It's come to the point that I don't like being called "lucky", but no one knows. Instead of being happy because of what a nice life I have, I feel sad because of it, because everyone says I'm pretty, everyone says I'm lucky, yet I have a bully inside of me teasing me of everything I do and fail at. Drawing, irish dancing, staffing. The voice inside of my head always tells me I fail, when everyone else calls me lucky, beautiful, talented. Even when they admire my drawings, I never take it into my mind. I'm a perfectionist.
Why did I make this post? Because I know there are many people out there that are like me. They make fun of themselves because they fail at something, they have mini break downs because they can't do something, even when other people tell them they have bigger battles to fight and this isn't one of them. That's what I'm told by my parents, but I always take the little battles are large ones. So I wanted to say something to the people on this forum that are like me; don't let that voice rule you. It ruins your day, makes nice things into insults, and tries to break me down, make me quit something I love, and that's happened before---my first resignation from lava. And it has made me want to resign again multiple times, but I know I'll deeply regret it if I do. I don't give in. Even if I momentarily give in at times, that's normal---I try to overcome it, but I can't. No matter how many times people tell me to stand up and be brave with inspiring posts. It doesn't help me.
So, I want you to try and listen. Don't let that insulting voice rule you like it does me. If you're frustrated and can't do something, take a little break from an hour to a week, and then start back over to where your time was lost. I know it's hard, and I know even I can't do it, even with many people telling me how much of a good job I've done. Try to look on the bright side. Try to actually listen when your friends say it looks pretty. You haven't worked all this way, you haven't worked this hard and fast just to give in to a stupid little voice that's probably wearing a pretty tiara and is afraid of the light. I know people have said this time and time again in inspiring posts, but it's a lesson you have to learn, that I haven't learnt yet, because I don't know how. You have to find a way to learn it instead of just giving in to it, because that makes it worse.
Don't give in. Don't feel sad for something that takes a long process of learning. Don't feel bad because you have a good life and all your friends have had accidents and their parents don't buy them a Wii U for christmas.
Don't be like me.
For a little over a year now, I've been drawing anime. It's my hobby. I have fun doing it... well, usually.
For a little over a year now, I've been stressing. I want to make everything perfect. If I can't do something really nicely, I get frustrated and practice over and over again until I just give up and break down. For a little over a year now, I've had mini break downs. I want to draw just like those who inspire me. When people tell me my drawings are good, I don't care what they think. It doesn't impact me if someone calls my art good. It does impact me if they call it horrible. Because that's what I think myself after it's done---I think it looks good for a few minutes, but then a few minutes later I think "oh, this looks horrible." One time I looked at a friend's art and just broke down, thinking "Why can't I do that? I'll never be like that! My art will never be like that, I don't have potential. Why can't I do it like that?" Even after I express is to my friends they just point out, "oh, it takes practice" or "oh, you're still new at it, you'll improve" but I NEVER listen. And it affects my other hobbies and things I like to do aswell; staffing, irish dancing, etc. I cry if I can't do a step and all around me people are doing it perfectly at a high speed, though I've been away for 2 weeks. I USED to cry if I made a mistake in staffing, and a little voice in my head would tell me "Oh, you're horrible! Everyone is so much better. They don't deserve a staff member like you."
What hurts me more is, I've actually lived a pretty good life. I haven't had any major illnesses, I haven't broken a bone before, and everyone calls me "lucky" because of it. Everyone calls me "lucky" because my parents are kind enough to buy me some stuff. It's come to the point that I don't like being called "lucky", but no one knows. Instead of being happy because of what a nice life I have, I feel sad because of it, because everyone says I'm pretty, everyone says I'm lucky, yet I have a bully inside of me teasing me of everything I do and fail at. Drawing, irish dancing, staffing. The voice inside of my head always tells me I fail, when everyone else calls me lucky, beautiful, talented. Even when they admire my drawings, I never take it into my mind. I'm a perfectionist.
Why did I make this post? Because I know there are many people out there that are like me. They make fun of themselves because they fail at something, they have mini break downs because they can't do something, even when other people tell them they have bigger battles to fight and this isn't one of them. That's what I'm told by my parents, but I always take the little battles are large ones. So I wanted to say something to the people on this forum that are like me; don't let that voice rule you. It ruins your day, makes nice things into insults, and tries to break me down, make me quit something I love, and that's happened before---my first resignation from lava. And it has made me want to resign again multiple times, but I know I'll deeply regret it if I do. I don't give in. Even if I momentarily give in at times, that's normal---I try to overcome it, but I can't. No matter how many times people tell me to stand up and be brave with inspiring posts. It doesn't help me.
So, I want you to try and listen. Don't let that insulting voice rule you like it does me. If you're frustrated and can't do something, take a little break from an hour to a week, and then start back over to where your time was lost. I know it's hard, and I know even I can't do it, even with many people telling me how much of a good job I've done. Try to look on the bright side. Try to actually listen when your friends say it looks pretty. You haven't worked all this way, you haven't worked this hard and fast just to give in to a stupid little voice that's probably wearing a pretty tiara and is afraid of the light. I know people have said this time and time again in inspiring posts, but it's a lesson you have to learn, that I haven't learnt yet, because I don't know how. You have to find a way to learn it instead of just giving in to it, because that makes it worse.
Don't give in. Don't feel sad for something that takes a long process of learning. Don't feel bad because you have a good life and all your friends have had accidents and their parents don't buy them a Wii U for christmas.
Don't be like me.
